i must say that it feels like everything just kind of collapsed last night. i can't stop thinking about it. i love it there so much.....not the job the pay or even the place, but the people. ive made some of the greatest friends in the past year and half and im really gonna miss them. You know its true that you never really appreciate what you have until it's gone. rabia is really what got me, seeing her cry. i really feel bad for putting her in that situation because she was a friend to me more then anything. i guess i just took for granted what i had. and now i feel like i don't really have anything. i know it was my fault and i don't regret what i did, i regret that they didn't have the balls to say anything. that i took the fall for all of us. if i hadn't we might all be fired right now and i wouldnt do to my friends. but i believe that they should have had the courage to admit what they did, for my sake.

i just neeed to vent, i feel like im this close to just giving up everything in my life just seems so out of whack. school i just can't deal with anymore and work is well, now, non exsistent. my family is a wreck, i havent seen tess in weeks and i miss her company, being able to talk to her,because she is one of the few people i know really cares, oh and dads back on the bottle, wonder when the seizures will start up again? my mom thinks im alcoholic and getting fired for being drunk is really going to change her opinion im sure. to addd to the mess my body is breaking down. i cease to be able to function normally, everytime i taste blood it reminds me of that day. the day i never really wanted to remember.......and then theres the boy situation, and im not even going to get into that

i don't know if this getting fired thing is a wakeup call or if it is just going to push me further into this hole i'm in